


All Night Long

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [6]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Harley Quinn - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Grenades, Joker and Harley not sleeping and having fun, No abuse, Paintball, Psychos in love, Sex of course, a unicorn t-shirt, actually care about each other, annoying Batman, mad love, murderous clowns, pissing off a whole neighborhood, trying to sleep during the day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 18:59:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11168073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: What happens when Joker and Harley are woken up in the middle of the day.





	All Night Long

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoyalFlushGang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyalFlushGang/gifts).



Joker pulled the car around back and up behind the apartment building that he had circled once before turning down the alley to drive into the back area where the parking was located. It was an old building; the art deco outside was crumbling, the paint having long ago deteriorated until only flakes of the original peach color remained. The inside was little better with old faded rugs, water damaged walls and walls painted colors that had been popular a couple of decades in the past. But Joker maintained one apartment in the building and that was where he and Harley were headed. (He owned the apartment building under the name Joe Kerr. He also allowed his “goons” to use the place, so there were other apartments throughout the building that were being used, though not many. Just enough to give the illusion that the building was an active apartment complex.) 

This building was one of the many hide-outs that Joker maintained throughout Gotham...places he could crash at in a moments notice when he couldn't get back to his main hideout...like today. They had managed to ditch Bats just a few hours ago, but morning was fast approaching and, like a vampire, Joker did not like to be out during the sunlight hours. So, instead of trying to get back to the main hideout, they were heading to the closest one—their little apartment on the far side of Gotham. 

Joker pulled the car into one of the parking places, turned the car engine off and leaned back in his seat with a groan. He had a bloody lip, a couple of pressure cuts from Batman's fists on his cheeks that were beginning to bruise nicely and a possible broken finger. His lipstick was smeared across his chin and, as he held up a hand to examine the possibly broken finger, he could see that his nail polish was chipped too. Joker pouted at the sight of his nails. 

His purple jacket was torn at both shoulders, the tie was long gone...all the buttons of his vest were gone and his shirt was ripped down the front. AND to top it all off, his green hair was a mess, flopping and curling every which way. Joker sighed. Batman really didn't have any respect for the trouble he went to to look nice. Jerk. Harley had a bloody nose as well as a split lip (her black lipstick was a mess too...poor sweetie, Joker thought as he gazed sideways at her) and there was a bruise on her cheek that was quickly turning purple. That wasn't even taking into account the bruises and cuts they both had under their clothing. Harley's bodysuit (his favorite costume of hers) was torn in places, the pompom's were missing from her headpiece that she had pulled off and her pigtails were lopsided. 

Joker sighed, staring up at the ceiling of the car. The fabric of the ceiling was old and falling down in places. Harley had put it back in place with a staple gun, then she had used a marker to draw happy faces everywhere...and a few dick pictures which made Joker chuckle. Right now he was too tired to laugh at the dick pictures. He rolled his head to the side, glancing at Harley who was leaning back in her seat with her eyes closed. One of the ruffles on her costume was missing and there was a tear along her shoulder, as well as another tear along her torso. Joker grinned. She was going to be pissed when she was awake enough to realize her costume was damaged. Which would mean a curse-filled rant later...those always made him laugh. Harley hated sewing work on her costume. 

“How ya doing slugger?” Joker asked with a grin. 

Harley opened one eye, glanced over at him and smiled. “I'm good puddin.” 

“We're here.” Joker said with a smile, reaching over to squeeze her knee. Harley didn't open her eyes (having opened one of her eyes), but she did smile in response. 

They were both quiet and remained still for another few minutes, both with their eyes closed and too exhausted to move. 

Harley finally opened her eyes. “Okay, we can do this!” 

Joker laughed pushing himself up as well. “Okay...here we go!” 

He pushed his door open and slid out, immediately groaning and covering his eyes before he gagged. “God I hate clean air and sunshine...despicable.” 

Harley, who had pushed herself out of the passenger side door groaned with him. “GOD, why does the sun have to be so bright! It should be against the law!” 

Joker walked over slowly and took her hand. “Let's get inside before we burst into flames. Burning clowns smell awful!” 

They both chuckled and headed toward the back door to the building. The door was a typical ugly metal security door with graffiti decorating it. There was a keypad by the door. Joker reached out and started to push the buttons, then made a face looking at his damaged finger. It was clearly damaged, but broken? Well, maybe not broken, but at least out of the socket. 

Harley pouted. “Oh puddin!!! Look what that nasty Bat did to your beautiful fingers!!” She reached out to take his hand. Then suddenly she yanked on the finger abruptly. 

“FUCKING HELL HARLEY!!” Joker yelped and yanked his hand back. Harley was grinning brightly. “It was just dislocated. All better now!” 

Joker pouted looking down at his hand and flexed his fingers. It did feel better. 

“Next time—warn me,” he growled, but Harley only laughed at him while, with an extremely grumpy face, he punched in the code for the door. The door came open with a pop and Joker pulled the door open bowing at the waist. 

“Enter at your own risk.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her. 

The inside of the hall was cool and dark, a relief from the bright sunlight quickly dominating the outside. Joker strolled in, pulling Harley inside with him before letting the door close and lock itself behind them. With a sigh of relief, Joker grabbed Harley's hand and tugged her along with him along the hall to where the doors of an old elevator stood open. 

The inside of the elevator had a sickly orange and red carpet with a 1970's vibe design that reminded Harley of the carpet from “The Shining.” 

Joker sighed with exhaustion once they were in the elevator, hitting one of the buttons, then leaned against the wall. Harley frowned slightly watching him. He looked so tired. She was about to say something when he surprised her, grabbing Harley around the waist, turning in a complete circle before he shoved her up against the back wall. 

“Wanna do something fun in the elevator?” He waggled his eyebrows at her. 

Harley giggled, a blush blooming on her cheeks despite how tired she was...she was always up for some whoopie with her puddin. “Ooo, what did you have in mind puddin?” 

Joker grinned, his smile bright and humorous despite the bruises and how exhausted he was from the night's activities. But then he grabbed Harley's hands and yelled. “JUMP!” 

Harley squealed, jumping in the air with him causing the elevator to do a strange double jump as it was going up. Both of them started to laugh. They jumped up and down in the elevator as it made it's slow way up causing the weird up and down jump in the elevator. 

They finally made it to their floor with one more jump, the elevator jerking up and down for a moment before the doors slid open. Joker laughed pulling her against him and wrapped his arm around her waist. “Now that was fun!” 

Harley giggled. “Yeah it was!” 

Joker led her down a hall with puke-colored yellow carpet, all the way down to the end of the hall and the last door, painted a bright almost candy apple red. 

“Here we are my sweets!” Joker grinned. He dug in his slacks pocket for a moment before he finally came up with a key, tied with a worn, dull red ribbon. He stuck it in the door, unlocked it and shoved the door open. He reached inside to flip a light switch on and shoved Harley inside. 

The apartment was neither huge nor grand, but she thought that it looked quite cozy. 

Harley squealed and clapped her hands. The walls looked as if they might have been red a long time ago, but the paint was peeling and what wall space where was, was covered in posters, circus posters, wanted posters, a few Batman posters. Several knives stuck out of the walls in various places while a few skewered teddy bears and dolls decorated one section of wall. There was a long, old looking brown couch, a couple of lazy boy recliners that had seen better days with fade afghans thrown over them, and several old end tables that had been painted neon green, Joker had even taken the time to write “Ha Ha Ha!” on the furniture in bright orange. 

“Oh puddin!!” Harley squeaked. “It's perfect!” 

Joker laughed. “You like it sweetling?” 

Harley clapped again, hopping up and down. “I love it!! It's like a secret love nest!” 

Joker chuckled as he walked in and slipped out of his jacket at the same time. He let the jacket fall to the floor carelessly. He groaned, rolling his shoulders and flopped down on the couch, kicking off his shoes, then wiggling his toes in his orange socks while letting out another groan. 

As Joker settled in to relax on the couch, Harley walked over to the small hall flipping on lights, tossing the “hat” of her costume on one of the chairs as she walked by. There were only a couple of doors down the tiny hall. The first one was the bathroom. She stuck her head in and flipped on the light with a glance around. The bathroom looked...clean. She had to admit she was a little surprised...Bob's doing, if she had to hazard a guess. There was a balloon print shower curtain, and balloon themed rug, trash can and even a balloon themed toothbrush holder. What surprised her was that there were two toothbrushes on the sink, unopened just waiting. Harley grinned and wiggled a little...that was so sweet!! She pulled the pigtail ties from her hair, tossing them onto the sink and ran her fingers through her hair before she went to explore the other room. 

She made her way down to the next room which turned out to be the bedroom. The one window in the room had heavy black curtains over it and the bedroom was dominated by a large, round bed that looked weird to her until she walked in and touched it. It was a waterbed! Harley squeaked in delight. She had never slept on a waterbed before!! The bed was covered in pillows, with a bright blue and purple quilt as a cover. Harley giggled and flopped onto the bed yelling to the living room. 

“YOU HAVE A WATERBED!!” 

She could hear Joker laughing in the other room as she rolled around letting the wobbling waves of the water toss her back and forth. She was still in the process of rolling around when Joker appeared in the doorway. He had stripped along the way, leaving a trail of discarded clothing, and was now standing in the doorway wearing just his boxer shorts and nothing else. When Harley rolled onto her back she saw him standing there watching her smiling. 

“Oooh puddin!!” She giggled and waved at him before she sat up. “Help me?” 

She turned her back to Joker. 

He grinned. “Of course my pumpkin poo!” he said as he walked over to the edge of the bed and reached out to grab the zipper on the back of her harlequin outfit. He slowly pulled the zipper down, watching the way the tight fitting outfit seemed to melt away from her skin, showing the soft snowy whiteness of her back. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, which earned him a happy sigh from Harley. Joker gently ran his fingers over her shoulders, pushing her harlequin costume down her arms. He dragged his hands down her arms, just barely touching her skin. His hands hovered just high enough over her skin to tickle the light hairs that ran along her arms. Harley stood up, her rear brushing against him, feeling briefly the touch of his excitement pressing against the fabric of his boxers.

She wiggled, hooking her thumbs along the sides of her costume and pushed the red and black garment down her torso, then over the creamy, roundish spread of her hips while Joker watched her with a pleased little grin on his face. She pushed the outfit down past her hips, revealing what he already knew; she was naked underneath the garment. Joker pressed his teeth into his bottom lip watching her, grinning while his eyes raked over her, studying her every move. She gracefully tugged the outfit off one foot, then carefully kicked the garment the rest of the way off with her other foot. 

Harley turned with a giggle, putting her forefinger to her bottom lip, her eyes hooded as she watched her puddin from behind long dark lashes. She fluttered her lashes slightly, her blonde hair falling about her shoulders and lower, covering the pink of her nipples behind white golden locks of hair. She licked her finger before she turned and crawled back onto the waterbed, stopping to glance over her shoulder at him, her rear weaving back and forth on the waves of the waterbed in an enticing way that had Joker's full attention. 

Joker grinned. “Not too tired yet!” 

He pushed his boxers down to his ankles hopping out of them, and with his socks still on, he threw himself onto Harley and the waterbed. 

Harley squealed loudly when Joker landed on her, grabbing for her. Instead of kissing her, he held her down and started to run his fingers up the sides of her naked body finding every ticklish inch. 

“PUDDIN!!” Harley squawked, laughing as Joker fingers found the extremely sensitive, ticklish spots at the joints between her thighs and hips. 

“MWUAHAHAHA!! You cannot escape me!!” Joker laughed before pressing his mouth to her neck and making “Nom nom nom” noises that tickled even more. Harley squealed trying to push him off, but he was too heavy. 

“You better stop or I'm going to tickle back!!” Harley yelled, but Joker only snickered. “Not while I got the advantage!” 

“FINE!” Harley grabbed Joker's sides struggling through her own laughing to start finding his ticklish spots, his sides, his stomach and most especially the spots not quite under his arms. 

Joker started laughing. “NO!! EVIL WOMAN!!” 

Harley giggled. “That's why you love me!” 

“DO NOT!! You CAN'T MAKE ME SAY IT! NEVER!!” Joker choked on a laugh falling onto his back as Harley gained ground. She jumped on him and continued her tickling assault until Joker was laughing so hard tears were running down his cheeks. “EVIL!!” He laughed. 

He grabbed Harley by her hips tossing her off of him and pounced on her, straddling her hips, the whole bed wobbling as he grabbed her wrists and pinned her arms over her head. 

“I win!” He snickered. 

Harley pouted. “Not fair! You're heavier than me!” 

Joker giggled. “No one ever said I played fair, my pumpkin poo!” 

With that he bounced on her a couple of times to prove his point making the whole bed wobble and weave. 

Harley grinned at him her eyes sparkling with laughter. Her eyes roamed down his pale naked body sitting on top of her equally pale naked body. “So what do you get as the winner puddin?” 

Joker grinned leaning down to lick her jaw, tracing the line to her chin, then he licked her lips. “A good day's sleep...” he whispered. 

Harley moaned softly then blinked in surprise. “HEY!” 

Joker let her go, rolling off of her to his back with a laugh. “You are so easy!” 

Harley rolled on top of him laying across his torso. “You are so mean.” 

“Yup. But I was teasing...” He ran his fingertips down the smooth slope of her back. “I want me some pumpkin pie before sleep...” He grabbed her bottom lip with his teeth and grinned like a wicked child. Harley chuckled as she ran her hands over his head and smoothed back his hair. She opened her mouth to glide her tongue over his lips, the tip of her tongue circling, tracing his lips, feeling the slight swelling, the cut along his bottom lip, tasting his blood. Joker groaned, letting her lip go as his hands grabbed her rear and squeezed hard, pressing her down on his erection trapped beneath the wet heat of her body. 

Harley's teeth caught his tongue, dragging gently before letting go and kissing him hard, neither one of them caring about the stinging pain of their split lips. His hands moved up her sides then back along her thighs. Harley shifted her position, reaching down between them to grab him in her hand, holding his shaft steady as she lowered herself down on him. 

They groaned together as their bodies became one. Harley hooked her feet under his thighs forcing Joker to spread his legs open further, the heels of her feet pulling his thighs apart. One of Joker's hands glided along her hip to grab her rear in an almost painful grip, his other hand resting against her hip bone gently. He groaned, nipping at her lips, her tongue, licking her teeth while thrusting his hips up to meet hers. The waterbed undulated under them causing them both to jerk and jump with the bed's movements. Harley pressed her hands against his chest, rolling her hips with the movement of the bed which had Joker moaning. “Oh Harley baby...” 

She grinned sitting up. “Puddin!” She arched her back, dropping her hands behind her and between his spread legs and started to thrust hard against him. Joker whimpered, grabbing the pillows over his head, his eyes hooded as he watched her fuck him, ride him hard, her body stretching back, watching the jiggle of her breasts. He groaned again. 

“Harls!!” God he loved the fact that she was a gymnast, that skill allowed her such interesting positions and bodily control! 

Harley's body tightened; he gasped at the delicious pressure of her body clamping hard around his member just before he felt the flood of her orgasm wash over him. He hissed with pleasure running the flats of his hands up her torso, over the soft, flat plains of his stomach to drag, sitting up a little in order to run the tips of his fingers over her hard, pink nipples. 

“Oh puddin. Oh puddin, puddin!!!” 

Harley dropped forward again, her hair falling like a curtain around them. She grinned at him, licking the tip of his nose as she raised her hips up, then down, sliding gradually up, then wetly down his erection. His whole body shuddered when she moved like that, she had Joker's eyes rolling and crossing, his fingers pressing hard into her hips. 

“Ugh Harley!” Joker whimpered 

She pushed herself up again, her hands grabbing his shoulders, squeezing before she dragged the palms of her hands down to his pecs, her nails lightly pressing against his skin and leaving red marks on his white flesh. 

Harley tossed her head back, her hair flowing back. She arched her back while she dug her fingernails into his flesh, pressing hard against his pale skin as she drove her hips hard, thrusting until she was arching and climaxing again with a deep throaty groan. “Oooo Mistah J!!!” 

Joker hissed, she tightened to the point he thought for a moment he was going to die. His hands reached for her, grabbing her waist, forcing her down on him when his orgasm ripped through him and he exploded into her. 

“Oh GOD DAMN! Harley!!” 

She continued to ride him, driving her hips against him, rolling, thrusting, her breath coming in quick short gasps of air. Her continued movements caused his body to jerk, completely at her mercy. His moaning groans accompanied his body's jerks of pleasure, the intensity causing him to feel like he might just pass out...which would be funny, the thought crossed his mind momentarily. She groaned dropping down against him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, snuggling her nose against his neck. Joker panted and grinned happily. He wrapped his arms around her holding her against him. 

“Oh Mistah J, that was fantastic!” Harley purred nibbling at his collarbone. 

Joker grinned. “That was the bees knees baby girl.” 

Harley sighed happily. “I could stay like this forever.” 

Joker giggled. “Nope, you're heavy.” 

“Hey! Take that back!” Harley sat up and smacked his chest, making him laugh fully. Joker rolled her off of him feeling that pleasurable intense moment when their bodies separated, but then he was occupied with yanking Harley into his arms and nuzzling her. 

* 

Harley didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she was awakened by the sound of screaming. The room was dark, the curtain keeping out the daylight was drawn and she wasn't sure, but it looked like the curtains might be pinned together. She was curled naked against Joker's side, her head nestled against his shoulder, blonde hair covering her face. Joker's hand was resting against her hip. She shifted around, putting her back to Joker who rolled over and wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her close against him. 

She smiled content, snuggling up when she heard the scream again. 

Harley groaned, grabbed her pillow, and pulled it over her head to drown out the sounds of kids screaming for no other reason than to scream. It took several minutes, but finally she dozed back off into a fitful sleep. 

Lying beside her, Joker smiled and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. He had heard the screams of the kids outside, but he was tired enough that the sounds weren't bothering him right now. He had just settled back down, brushing his hand down Harley's arm that gripped the pillow over her head. He sighed, relaxed, and wrapped his arms around her middle to tug her closer. He had just started to doze off...when he heard several shouts, a handful of very loud screams and some cursing...rather badly done 'Dad' cursing at that. Joker's eyes few open. He laid there staring at the wall over Harley's back as the screams became louder. He gave it to the count of twenty before he had had enough. 

Joker sat up with a growl. Harley moaned. “Puddin? What are ya doing?” 

Joker, still wearing his socks and nothing else, threw his legs over the side of the waterbed and hopped up. He stomped over to the closet on the far left of the room, sliding open the doors with aggravation before he leaned down. He started pushing things around, the muffled sounds of objects being shoved in the closet prompted Harley to sit up. Harley sat cross legged on the waterbed watching her puddin tossing things out of the closet; a pair of pants, bright yellow galoshes with pink daisies on them, a pair of clown shoes, three or four wigs, a crowbar, what looked like a rubber chicken...until he finally yelled. “Eureka!” 

Joker stepped out of the closet with what looked like a rifle, albeit weird looking, with a large canister on the top. 

“Puddin! They're kids!” Harley started to get out of bed to stop him, but Joker laughed. “It's a paint gun sweetling. I modified it to shoot a special brand of my Joker venom. I thought it might be fun.” 

“Puddin? What do you mean: a special venom?” Harley frowned and then yawned. “It isn't going to kill them, is it?” 

Joker crouched down, still holding the paint gun and riffled around in the closet again until he pulled out something she couldn't see at first. He began to pull out all sorts of boxes and Harley couldn't be sure, but it looked like there were some shoe boxes with grenades in them. 

He muttered under his breath while he checked around for something, looking through things that he had pulled out of the closet and set around him. “Kids today have no respect for those of us that have to work at night. I mean seriously! There are lot of us hard working people who work the night shift in Gotham! Ask Batsy! He knows! So I'm just going to...put them to bed.” Joker giggled. 

He held up a box with smiley faces drawn on it, the lid of which was missing. Harley rolled off the bed and stepped over to get a better look. Inside the box were several bright green pellets with little bitty happy faces painted on them. 

Joker grinned at her, speaking in a conspiratorial whisper. “One shot with this, the little ball bursts and poof! They go beddy bye! And I get paint on them too!” Joker laughed. 

Harley squealed and giggled. “Oh, that's great puddin!” 

Joker snickered. “I know! It keeps them asleep for at least eight hours and there is no anti-venom! There is nothing in the world that will wake them up until the venom has made it's way through their system. It's genius!” 

Harley wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezed, hopping up and down just enough to wiggle her naked body against him. “Oh you are Mistah J!! Yer the best!” Joker giggled, his perfect white teeth catching the small amount of light sliding between the tiny break in the curtains. Her wiggling was distracting—soft, full breasts, her warm skin... he gave serious thought to taking her back to the waterbed and doing a thorough exploration of how soft her skin was AND the thought of her loudly yelling his name adding to the current noise level outside would be fun, especially if they opened the window wide... BUT he was also excited to show her how his gun worked and the thought of shooting some people was too funny to pass up! He would get Harley on the waterbed again soon. 

Instead he stood and went to the window with Harley following. He pulled the curtains back a little and gazed out the window. The window looked down on the street that ran along the front of the apartment building. Joker lifted the glass just a enough to put the rifle's barrel through. Outside there were several groups of kids playing. Some were playing ball, others were drawing on the sidewalk, and many were yelling, screaming, running around. A handful of the loudest kids were spraying each other with squirt guns. While Harley watched him, Joker loaded up the top part of the paint gun with at least a hundred pellets into the pod on top of the gun before resting the barrel on the windowsill. 

Joker adjusted the weapon, looking down at the kids below. 

He giggled. “Watch this Harley. You ever see those videos with the goats that get scared?” 

Harley giggled. “Oh yeah, where their legs go rigid and they fall over.” 

Joker spoke quietly as he took aim. “This is going to be even better than that.” 

He took a shot. The weapon made very little noise; the round flew out with more of a faint popping noise. Harley was watching below, when one of the kids jerked and yelled out grabbing his neck, his fingers coming away covered in paint. It was hard to see, but she thought she saw a burst of green gas, and a smear of green paint on the kid where the 'bullet' hit him. The kid, a small dark-haired little boy in a striped t-shirt started to yell, then to cry, then fell over. 

Joker started laughing. 

Harley frowned leaning out the window. “Is he okay?” 

“Yes, hunny bun! He's just asleep. Watch.” Joker smiled at her pulling the rifle back and pushing the window up further, so he could look out the window with her. They both had their arms folded across the windowsill leaning against each other, watching the drama below as one of the kids ran to get the 'victim's' mother. 

Joker snickered as the mother picked her kid up trying to wake him up. 

“Okay, now it's going to get really funny!” Joker put the rifle back in place and started to take aim. In a matter of minutes, Joker, shooting balls of venom at 12-13 balls a second, had taken out nearly all the kids within range. Harley squealed each time, amazed at her puddin's precise aim. Each ball struck a child; he didn't miss once, the balls of venomous mixed paint hit and burst into a green splotch accompanied by a release of gas before the victim collapsed. 

Joker and Harley were laughing, nearly in hysterics! They were both laughing hard enough that they had tears in their eyes. Harley was leaning on the sill gasping for breath. 

“O puddin, this is terrible!” 

Joker snorted on a laugh. “I know! Isn't it great?!” 

Just as he finished hitting the last child, a commotion started. Screaming, yelling, panicked parents started racing outside to pull their unconscious children out of the street. 

Joker giggled and decided to take aim at a few of the parents, hitting every other parent/adult that he saw. 

Harley was giggling to the point she had to turn away from the window. “Oh puddin that's great!!” 

Joker grinned dropping back from the window, leaning his back against the wall because his aim was being affected by his laughing. He had just dropped down when they both heard a gun shot and the glass on the upper half of the window shattered sprinkling tiny shards down on the two of them. 

Joker frowned. “Oh well, that's not playing fair!” 

Harley squeaked. “HEY!!” She turned standing up, starting to yell, but Joker reached up and grabbed her arm yanking her back down. 

“Go put some clothes on before you do that!” Joker muttered at her while he pushed himself up, turning around, yet staying carefully crouched while he looked around outside until he saw the parent, a large man, muscles, short cropped hair...holding a pistol aimed at their window. 

“We called the cops you freak! You stick your head out though I'm going to shot you between the eyes!” The man yelled. 

(While this was going on Harley crawled over on her hands and knees toward the closet. Once there she dug around on the floor until she found a pair of Joker's boxers that he had thrown out of the closet earlier. The boxers were red and had tiny little black hearts all over them. Harley rolled onto her back slipping the shorts up her legs, then pushed her rear in the air while she slipped them on. Joker glanced over at her once, pressing the tip of his tongue to his upper lip while watching the display Harley was putting on while she dressed. Once she had the boxers on, Harley grabbed a t-shirt she found on the floor that read “Reasons to be a unicorn...” Harley stopped everything she was doing to hold the shirt up and read the list. “Stunning, Fart glitter, Poop rainbows, Live forever, Awesome horn you can stab people with.” Harley giggled slipping the shirt over her head. 

She then searched through the discarded clothing that Joker had tossed onto the floor, until she retrieved another pair of boxers...this pair was purple and green stripped and had a huge daisy on the rear. Harley grinned brightly as she hurried back over to the window with the boxers in her hand. 

Joker had stood up, completely naked and yelled back out the window at the man shooting at them. 

“WE'RE JUST TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!” 

He then shot the man between the eyes as the man lifted his pistol to fire at Joker. Harley had arrived at that moment to stand beside her puddin, watching the pellet fly down at the man below and strike him square between the eyes with a nice green splat. Harley clapped her hands. “Oh puddin, you got him!!” 

Joker and Harley burst out laughing the moment the green spot of paint smacked into the man's head, knocking his head back for a moment. The man's head came back up in a cloud of green smoke as the green paint between the man's eyes had begun to run down his nose. The paint slowly rolled along to drip off the tip of the suddenly confused man's nose before he collapsed on the sidewalk, asleep. 

“That's so funny!!” Harley squealed, handing Joker his boxers before she turned to lean against the wall, giggling. 

Joker motioned over to one of the shoe boxes with one hand while he hopped around on one leg trying to get into his boxers. “Get those grenades—this is going to get even funnier!” 

Harley gave him a questioning look, but she did as he asked and walked over to grab the shoebox he had indicated. “Grenades?” 

“Don't worry dear, they have sleeping gas in them too.” Joker grinned at her. “The explosion's just a little bang.” 

She nodded hopping up and skipping to the closet where several boxes that Joker had pulled out lay scattered on the floor. One already lacked a lid, but she pulled the lid off the other one, grabbing one of the grenades from inside the shoe box. Inside the box, she counted six grenades. The round, ball-like weapons were painted purple with great big red smiley faces on them. She grinned, giving the grenade a playful kiss. She picked up the whole box and walked over to the window with them. 

Joker motioned her down when she came closer. The man they had shot lay in the street, no one coming for him. Joker laid the barrel of the pistol against the windowsill, watching the other buildings and the street for any more adults with weapons. 

Joker and Harley stayed like that, crouched and staring, the box of grenades sitting on the floor next to Harley. The streets remained silent for a good fifteen minutes when they both heard the distant sounds of sirens. Joker and Harley turned to look at each other. 

“I think they're getting closer puddin.” Harley leaned her head out the window trying to look both ways down the street. She narrowed her eyes then pointed. “Oh, here they come puddin!” 

Joker snickered. “Perfect.” 

Four police cars drove up and parked along the sidewalk in front of the building across from Joker and Harley. 

The two of them stayed hunkered down, only lifting up enough to just look over the windowsill into the street below. Eight cops poured out of the vehicles; two went to the building across from them. The two cops headed inside the neighboring building when someone in the apartment opened the door for them, while the other cops stayed outside, their hands on their weapons. 

Joker giggled. Harley watched his profile, her heart soaring with love for him. She loved his sharp nose and brilliant smile...especially when he was having fun like he was right now. 

“Okay Harley, grab one of those grenades and don't pull the pin until I tell you to.” Mistah J pointed vaguely over at the shoebox at Harley's feet. 

Joker smiled taking aim and shot, hitting one of the cops in the chest. The woman fell back against the police car with a comical bang against the metal hood, her arms flying up and her legs going out from under her before sliding down to the pavement. Her partner, a young blonde man who would look better on the shores of a Baywatch episode than in Gotham, grabbed for her just as she hit the ground. The other police pulled their weapons. They immediately started shouting, all of them spinning around and firing at the building almost like a chorus line, Harley mused. Joker laughed grabbing Harley and hauling her out of the way of the flying bullets. 

He giggled. “Oops! I don't think they liked that.” 

Harley held her hands over her ears, the one hand she had pressed against an ear held one of the grenades she had picked up. They waited a few moments after the firing stopped then Joker pointed. “Throw that out the window sweetie!” 

Harley pulled the pin out with her teeth (something she always wanted to do) and stood up. (Outside the police saw a strangely dressed woman in a unicorn t-shirt, stand up at the window) and she threw the grenade before ducking back down. The cops yelled a warning, but that was the moment when an extra loud explosion of sound filled the street. Joker had wrapped his arms around Harley pulling her against his chest when they both heard the detonation. Joker was snickering against the top of her head, his whole body vibrating with his laughter. 

They waited a couple of moments before they both popped their heads up and looked down at the street below. A wide cloud of light green smoke was slowly starting to settle down. As the smoke began to clear, Harley and Joker could both see, scattered on the ground, lay all the cops. Joker started to laugh. “Look at them all!!!” His voice changed as if he were talking to babies. “Look at them all sleeping on the ground. And listen to how quiet it is!!” Joker sighed happily putting his hand to his ear and leaning out the window, but that was the moment the temporary silence was shattered by the sounds of more sirens. 

Joker groaned loudly, rolling his head. “Oh COME ON!! I just want to sleep!!” 

Harley bent down and came up holding two more grenades. “We still have a whole box of these puddin!” 

Joker giggled. “They want war! They got it!!” 

* 

A couple of hours had gone by, the sun was beginning to set and the moon could be seen in the darkening sky. Joker was still wearing only his boxers and socks—though he had added a peaked cap of a French general that Harley had found at the top of the closet to his head. The hat was white with an insignia, embroidered in gold and gold piping. He was leaning against the wall next to the window, sipping on a cola Harley had found in the fridge. Next to him, Harley had on a peaked hat as well, while still wearing her puddin's unicorn t-shirt and boxers, though she had added the galoshes to her outfit. Her peaked hat was black with red piping and gold embroidery. Harley watched Joker as he handed her his cola. She was eating some peanuts. She took a sip of the soda to wash away the salty flavor of the nuts. 

Joker picked up the spyglass from the windowsill. (He had dug up a spyglass from somewhere in the closet which Harley wondered...did the closet work like a Tardis? Bigger on the inside than the outside?) He leaned forward a little and was watching the new group of police cars that had just shown up on the street below, along with a helicopter that had come into view in the quickly darkening sky. The GCPD had cordoned off this section of street which made Joker muttering, 

“I really liked this hideout...going to miss the waterbed.” 

Harley pouted and yelled out the window at the cops below making all of them jump and aim their weapons in her direction. 

“WE HAD A WATERBED YOU SCHMUCKS!!!!” 

To which the police below had no answer. 

There were several unconscious cops lying around on the ground and over the hoods of police cars...too many for the cops trying to not get hit with sleep laced paint balls or avoid the sleeping grenades, to move. It had become a game for the cops of trying not to become a victim of Joker's gas or trip over their fallen, sleeping, friends, but at the same time to be in a position to try to take Joker out. Joker narrowed his eyes studying the new police that had just arrived and started to pile out of their cars. It was only a matter of time before some cops with protective masks showed up, he thought with a wry twist of his lips. 

He grinned wide then. “Hey sweets, they brought Commissioner Gordon with them this time! Ooh and a news crew! Look over there, on the other side of the police tape! Guess we're making the nightly news tonight!” 

Harley yawned, holding a grenade to her mouth. “We only have two more boxes of grenades left, Mistah J.” 

Joker lowered the spyglass. “Seriously? Shit, and Batsy hasn't even shown up yet. This is really turning into a rotten day. And it started out so good.” He waggled his eyebrows at her glancing toward the bed. 

Harley giggled. She strolled closer and gently tucked his hair behind his ear before sliding her fingers under his peaked hat and into his hair, making the hat wobble as she massaged his scalp. 

Joker groaned happily. 

Harley purred. “Oh, now don't say that puddin. Look at all the cops we put to sleep, not even counting all the obnoxious kids you got to shoot.” 

Harley kissed the tip of his nose before rubbing her own nose against his, her fingers working down the back of his head (careful not to knock the hat off) and down the back of his neck until her hands were on his shoulders rubbing his sore muscles. Joker sighed leaning into her. 

“True true...I just...I mean if we're going to end up getting arrested, I would at least like Batsy to show up. It's us! We're his special villains. Right baby?” 

“Of course puddin. Batsy likes us the best!” She grinned and kissed his nose again. 

“Oh let's see if we can hit Gordon—that'll get the Bat to show up.” Harley grinned at him, rubbing her nose against his long pale one making Joker laugh. 

“You always know the right thing to say pooh bear!” 

Harley squealed and reached down to pick up Joker's paintball rifle. They were on the last of the sleep-laced paint balls, enough to put one more group of cops to sleep. 

Joker giggled. “You know pooh, I don't know what I would do without you.” 

Harley giggled. “I know puddin.” 

Joker dropped down by the window, bringing his rifle up when Gordon pulled out the bullhorn. 

“Joker! Harley! Surrender now and...” but then Gordon stopped, turning, his gaze going up. That was when Joker saw Batman standing above, on the edge of the building across from them. Joker squealed. 

“Oh look hunny bunny!!! He showed up!!!” 

Harley hugged him from behind, laughing. “See! I knew he would.” 

That was when Batman's voice echoed across the way. “Joker, Harley Quinn—stop this madness now!” 

Joker yelled out the window. “They started it!! We just wanted to get some sleep!!!” 

Batman was silent for a moment before everyone heard the sigh of annoyance in his voice amplifier. “You two come quietly, I'll make sure you get a good...day's sleep at Arkham. No one will bother the two of you.” 

Joker pursed his lips together narrowing his eyes and watching Batman. “What do you think Harls?” 

Harley leaned out the window. All the cops below brought their weapons up at once. Batman hollered. “Stand down!” 

Harley glared up at Batman, one hand holding her hat on her head. “You guarantee puddin and I get a room together, then we'll come peacefully!” she yelled out the window. 

Batman sighed. “Dr. Quinzel you know I can't...” 

“Oh, don't you dare tell me you can't, because I know for a fact...” Harley leaned dangerously out the window pointing her finger vigorously at Batman. So vigorously that Joker had to grab her around the waist to make sure she didn't fall out. 

“Give me a moment.” Batman's deep voice echoed down the street. 

Everything was quiet. Harley came back in to lean on the windowsill on her elbows. Joker had set his rifle down and grabbed the peanuts. For every two he ate, he flung another five or six at the police down below until they started to curse at them and Commissioner Gordon had to tell the cops to stop acting like babies and do their job. A whole five minutes passed when Batman finally spoke again. “I've talked to the doctors Leland and Arkham. As long as you two remain on your best behavior, you will be allowed to share a room but only in solitary confinement...they would prefer the other patients were not aware of your arrangements.” 

Harley glanced sideways at Joker who was continuing to throw peanuts. “I'm good with that...” 

He giggled..“They have those nice padded walls.” He waggled his eyebrows at her making Harley coo. “Oh puddin!” 

Joker threw the whole canister of peanuts out the window hitting one of the cops in the belly. “Here have a few nuts! Okay Bats, we're ready!” 

Joker tossed his paint gun down to the street below where it shattered and many of the remaining pellets went up in bursts of paint and smoke. 

Joker started to laugh, grabbing Harley's hand. “Can't make it too easy for him, he won't respect me then!” 

They took off out of the bedroom, Harley grabbing a couple of grenades and Joker grabbing a few in one hand, hanging from the rings around his long fingers while they took off out the bedroom, down the tiny hall and out the front door. They exited the apartment and headed toward the elevators. Harley hit the button with her elbow, the elevator doors opening and they ran inside. Joker hit the button for the roof. 

They were both giggling like school children. 

“So what do we do once we get up there?” Harley asked. Joker had opened his mouth to reply when they both heard the loud bang of something landing on the roof of the elevator. Then the weirder feeling as the elevator being displaced as it jumped in place had then both holding onto the sides. There was a series of five more very loud crashes overhead. Joker giggled. 

“I think he found us!” 

The door leading to the roof of the elevator burst open and dropped down to the floor of the elevator. Both of them were laughing when Batman's dark figure followed. Batman turned moving with a tight strong grace and grabbed Joker by the side of the head, slamming him up against the side of the elevator. 

Harley screamed. “HEY, LET HIM GO!” That was when she pulled the pin on one of her grenades, holding it so that it hadn't gone off yet. 

Batman stopped with Joker's head still pressed against the wall of the elevator. Joker could partially see what Harley's was doing between Batman's spread fingers. 

“Quinn, don't drop that.” Batman held up his hand to her. 

Harley hissed. “Let my puddin go!” 

Joker giggled. “OOOh!! You pissed her off Bats!” he managed to say between Batman's gloved fingers. 

“Harley.” Batman said her name sternly. Harley narrowed her eyes. “No beating on my puddin, you stinky rat!!” 

With that Harley threw the grenade at Batman, bonking him in the head. The next second the elevator filled with bright green gas. 

The last thing Harley remembered was hearing the sounds of her puddin laughing until she slipped to the floor of the elevator, unconscious. 

* 

When she woke up she was lying with a clean white sheet over her on a bed looking up at padded walls. She frowned; she was neither strapped down, nor was she wearing a straightjacket. So far so good. She sat up slowly feeling groggy to see that her puddin was lying next to her, their two cots pushed against each other. 

Joker was sleeping, his mouth slightly open and his hair having fallen across his forehead. Harley giggled softly and snuggled back down. Joker sleepily mumbled and reached for her yanking her close against him before he settle back down. 

“Guess the Bats kept his promise.” Harley grinned brightly before closing her eyes. She really was exhausted.

**Author's Note:**

> A very LATE birthday present for RoyalFlushGang who deserves all the presents.


End file.
